Remembering...

August 14th, 2006...just a normal day I'm sure for most of you. Some at school or work, some of you on vacation, some of you at home just going about normal things, but not me. That was the day I heard the news that has changed my life forever. We were at St. Joseph's Hospital when the doctor walked in and confirmed that the masses in my Mom's brain were cancerous and that she had only one year left to live. I can't even begin to write to explain the reaction that came to hearing this. I was sitting on the hospital bed with my Mom and immediately she started to cry and I started to scream. I felt like I was in a movie, it didn't seem real to me. How could MY Mom have cancer and die? That night is pretty much a blur to me, except I remember screaming, "You can't die, you can't leave me!" And then leaving to go home that night about killed me. Although I knew she'd be okay, it almost felt like I was losing her then. I went home after that and journaled right away, knowing this would be one of the hardest days of my life.
Here are a few entries from before being diagnosed to the day she was.

August 9th
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the day you gave me. It was pretty much a day of rest. Thank you mostly for giving me joy. God, please heal Mom of her headaches. Let her never have another one and I will tell her it was from prayers. Please God, give me many more years with my Mom. Help her to be in healthy condition. Thank you for blessing me with a great family.
Love, Danielle

August 12th
Dear God,
Thank you for this day and for introducing us to the Crains. Please God, help Mrs. Crain, give her wisdom to know how to make wise decision with her family. Thank you for having Rebecca talk to us. She is such a sweet girl. Bless her also. Help the rest of the Crain children to cope with their father's loss. Please God, help Mom with her communication problems. Please don't let anything be wrong. I dcouldn't make it without her, well, it would be very hard. Help her to not feel stupid when it happens and help her to have no pain. Give her peace.
Love, Danielle

August 13th
Dear Lord,
Oh what a day I've had. I didn't even imagine it would be this hard to find out about Mom. Please God, watch over Mom and protect her. Heal her of the mass in her brain. Make a miracle happen God. Help me to stay strong through all of this and be an example to Mandy. Give Mom, David and all of us good rest tonight. Thank you for all my family. For us all being able to pull together and be with Mom through this time. You know God how much I love her. Maybe this is a result for me asking you to help me trust fully in you. Help me to honor you through all of this. Love, Danielle

August 14th
Dear God,
I think this is the second hardest day of my life. The hardest will be when Mom's day comes. Please Lord, work a miracle. Heal her of the cancer. Oh please God, give me strength Lord to be strong through this and to totally trust you for every breath. Please God, heal my Mom, let her live a long time. Give us all peace about this and continue to give my Mom peace. God, help me to be the Mom that Mom is. Let me live up to be in her shoes Have mercy on my Mom. Thank you for my family and for bringing us all together. Heal all of our pain and rescue us from this turmoil. Please give my Mom longer. I need her, we all need her. Give us all good rest tonight and bless the rest of the time I have with my Mom. Make every moment honoring to you.
Love, Danielle


Well now being two years since Mom was diagnosed, so SO much has changed. I live somewhere new, have jobs, new friends, new brother, new interests, new standards. Part of that scares me, because I feel like life should have stayed the same, it was the way it was when she was here, it was familiar...but it needed to change. Not too long ago I was scared and worried that my Mom would be displeased with how my life is now and since then the Lord has really been drawing my heart completely to Him. I know that I wont ever be able to mimic the relationship that my Mom had with jesus, but I pray that my heart is a little closer than it was to being like hers...fully devoted to Him. My Mom is my role model and always will be. No one in this world will ever seem to compare, I just wish so much she was back here with me. It feels like she was the only one to truly love me, and I miss that, complete unconditional, genuine love. I took that for granted before August 14th, 2006, but now I realize it. And as bad as I want my Mom back, I KNOW she's in a better place. She lived her life in hopes of "going home"soon. She looked to that reward daily and just couldn't wait to see Jesus in glory! So it's not that I cry because of her, but for me...I'm selfish, I want her, I NEED HER! But God is in control of everything and since He took her home, I can only believe it was His plan, His timing, and HIS WILL and that he has reasons. Reason I may not understand, but reasons nonetheless.

Last year on this day I wrote a blog post all about my "well" Mom, since you may not have seen it, I'll post some of it here. Maybe you'll get a glimpse at how amazing she was!


"Growing up, my Mom had to raise us 4 kids, pretty much on her own. She did it so selflessly too. She spent her time going to school and working to provide us with an education and life that she thought would please us. We weren't the richest, or most organized, but we were definitely a family and I loved it! Not until recently did I realize how much she did for us...and how much she gave up for us...for us to be happy and to be like the other kids...even when our checkbook didn't want to permit it!

Then my Mom had the greatest joy of her life...or so she told me....she married David and got to stay home with Mandy and me and home school us! She taught me something that was so valuable...She did more college than most people and had SO many different jobs but her true joy and contentment came from being home with her kids and being a loving wife. Right before my Mom got sick...I was struggling with wanting to go to college...I cried almost everyday, finding myself, longing to go away to school...when I expressed this to my Mom, her heart went out...she couldn't stress to me enough, that this world has nothing to offer us. My flesh wants to go away, but was that what God wanted for me? She went that route and found her joy coming from being home. I'll tell you the truth...at first it was hard for me, but now I can say 100% that I have NO desire to go to school...I have the desire my Mom had...and I know that my contentment will come through that. This was one major lesson my Mom taught me.
When we were being interviewed for our movie, the reporter was asking what my Mom was like, and what she liked to do...the question stumped us..it was quite embarrassing...I'm not sure if we were caught off guard or just at loss for words...but now I can come up with plenty! My Mom was a joy to be around. She would light up a room wherever she went. She was open and honest with everyone...she shared her heart and hoped others would be encouraged with what she had to say. She was smart, talented, beautiful, loving, caring, and funny! When we would go grocery shopping she would dance down the aisles sometimes...she knew it embarrassed me SO much...but she knew it would get me to laugh also. :) She had a way of getting me out of my rotten moods...I miss that...I miss everything about her. Also, my Mom had a heart for the Lord that was like no other...no matter what the cost...she served the Lord. Oh....I can barely even write this...Umm... it amazed me how she could submit so easily and change if she knew that was what God wanted..and I know it must not have been easy, but she knew she had to make it look easy, for us to follow...she was our role model, and if she behaved that way, we had a better chance of doing that... My Mom's faith was great too...after she got diagnosed, maybe 3 days later, we were sitting in her hospital room and I had been pretty upset...and she looked at me and said, "Danielle, what if God has to take me, to save your Dad? Is it worth it?" I couldn't bare it...I said No! I wanted her! My Dad could be saved some other way....I know it was selfish and wrong of me, but my Mom was EVERYTHING to me, my life. But she loved the Lord so much and trusted Him, she knew He had a plan, if he were to take her. She did know that much........ I could go on and on I'm sure about my Mom, but I think it's just getting me more and more upset...maybe I shouldn't have done this....I pray that through this post you will be encouraged by my Mom's testimony. The life she lived was one for Jesus and now she is living with Him. It breaks my heart knowing that, but also I can rejoice because soon I'll be there with her...one day! And I'm sorry for all of you who never knew my Mom, I wish you could have and I pray that through this blog you will learn a little about her and see her love for the Lord!"


Oh, I miss you So much Mom and I will love you forever!

Love, Danielle

More Coming Soon...

HE IS HERE!!!!!!! My NEW baby brother Luke was born yesterday at 2:38 am. He is more cute than I can explain, so you'll just have to go look at my other blog to see some pictures. I'll be posting them here as well, but I have no time right now. I'll explain more about the day later also!

Hope you like the pictures!!!

http://gracecreationsphotography.blogspot.com

Please don't forget her...

I am really having a hard time tonight. I can't exactly explain what triggered this, but I'll tell you this much, it's VERY hard for me. It seems like everyone can just replace my Mom. If she was your friend, you can get a new friend, if she was just another lady at church, there will be MORE ladies at church, if she was a teacher, you can get a new teacher, if she was a wife, you can get a new wife, but......if she was YOUR MOM, you can't get a new one. ;( I wish it was that easy where I could just go get someone that could fill in, or be just like her, but it's impossible. I'm at the point tonight that I am just wishing I could not be alive, so I could be with my Mom. I just want to see her, hug her, talk to her, tell her everything. My Dad asked me this morning if I thought she could see us from Heaven, and I really just don't know. I sure hope so, I wish she knew how much I missed her, how much I love her, how I long to be with her again, but a part of me can't believe that she knows that.


Someone asked me recently if I had pictures of my Mom when she wasn't sick. And the answer is yes, but I am not sure where they are at. I'm on a laptop right now and was looking through some pictures, but they are all from her being sick. Looking at them is hard for me, but I'm going to post some. I know you all see the same ones, and you probably get bored seeing them over and over, but I cherish these pictures so much, they are my last memories of her..... ;(

Missing Her...

Today I am missing her a lot, it really started this afternoon, but for some reason has just continued all through the evening. Some of these reasons will sound so weird to all of you but it all sort of tied together. First Mandy and I went to a Chinese buffet for lunch and I had already been thinking about her and then I saw this one stuff (egg fo-young) sp? and it was my Mom's favorite chinese dish. Each time we would get Chinese food she would order that, and well, I don't think I've seen it since the last time she ordered it. I know that sounds weird but even something as small as that made me pretty upset. I knew I had to go to work after eating but I just wanted to go home and be by myself. Then on our way to work this song came on and it's from a soundtrack that my Mom absolutely loved. I haven't heard this song for like So many years, but I should have known something like that would have played. At work the name "Perry" came up for me to call, so even though it isn't HER name, it was just too much for me. I was praying he wouldn't answer and thankfully he didn't. Well then next name for me to call was "Kyle Campbell" and Campbell was my Mom's maiden name. It seems like I can't get away from it all tonight.

Yesterday I got this really nice email from a friend. She was friends with my Mom growing up and emails me now. She has no idea how much I love hearing from her about things having to do with my Mom. But yesterday she wrote and said, " I must tell you when I pulled up the most recent photos of your trip; I would have thought time stood still and I was looking at your mother; you are an identical face of her and heart."

Maybe because of this email is why she has been on my mind so much, or maybe because August is coming up and well, that's when my Mom was diagnosed. I'm not really sure, but I know it's hard. I guess I should stop talking about it, otherwise this will be another night of crying myself to sleep.......ahh... :(

Well to update you all on my Mom's movie ILLEGAL HOPE, the movie premiere will be on August 23rd in Orange, CA. David Ingrassano is flying Mandy and I out there for that weekend to be there. I am pretty excited about this. It will be so nice to have this movie and I know my Mom would be very pleased. May God get all the glory from the film! To see more about the movie click HERE

I hope some of this makes a little sense, as I'm writing to get all this out I have Lane talking non stop and wanting to play and my Dad talking to me about things, so I'm kind of half way out of it...

My Last 6 Weeks...

Just to caution all of you this is going to be one LONG blog post. I knew that when I got home I’d want to blog all about my trip but then I also tried doing a few posts while I was gone to make this one a little easier but I still feel like there is just so much I could share. I was trying to think of ways yesterday to make it more interesting to read also or ways to keep your attention through the whole post but I came up with nothing, so sadly you’ll have to bear with me through all of this if you want to make it to the end! ☺

As you almost all know I had my trip to Oklahoma planned for awhile before I actually went but it was more difficult this time since it was a surprise for Bethany. She was planning on me arriving the 26th, but I actually flew in the 21st and stayed with the Naylors a few days before I went to the Morris’ house. So my trip started out at the Naylors house which was a lot of fun! I got to meet a lot of really nice people at a Celtic Festival they played at and then just had fun being with them all. One night we played volleyball with a group of people at some church and then one afternoon us girls had fun playing around with make up and doing hair and then I had the privilege to photograph them with John’s REALLY nice studio lights. It was so great, unfortunately I did a horrible job taking the pictures, but I guess it was good practice for me. John’s lights are so nice too, I’ve heard about using studio lights but never thought I’d care to try them out, but boy was I wrong, they added a whole new feel to the pictures. Also while I was with the Naylors we went to the IMAX, which was really cool. We saw a movie called Storm Chasers. I had never been to the IMAX before so I didn’t even know what to expect, when it first came on I thought I might get sick during the movie, but that feeling went away and I was just so enthralled into the movie I think. ☺

So then Tuesday came around and it was time to try to pull off the surprise for Bethany. The plan was to meet Mrs. Morris at the donut shop around 7:00 and then when she went into the house she was going to have all the kids go in the back room while she got a last minute gift ready for Bethany. That’s when I came in and she had this huge box ready for me to slip underneath. She had it wrapped as if a puppy was in the box or something though, because she had little dog treats tied with ribbon to the top of the box to throw her off, which I THINK it worked. After I was positioned she had all the kids come out of the back and they were just all amazed at the huge box, it was hard for me to keep from laughing at the expressions the kids were saying! :D Finally Bethany started to open the box though and saw me! ☺ She said later on that she wondered if I’d somehow make it for her birthday but didn’t expect me to be in the box. So it was a success and I think she was not TOO disappointed that it was me and not a puppy!

Well I guess I better not give a play by play of the WHOLE trip cause that could get REALLY REALLY lengthy seeing I was there 2 days short of 6 weeks, who knows I could probably write a book, but anyways, moving on…. ☺

It was so great being back at their house and just seeing everyone again. Being able to join in on celebrating Bethany’s birthday was great, it was a really nice party! That day Bethany went to get her hair cut also so that was great seeing her get it cut at a salon type place for the first time! She is NOT tough headed by any means either, so the expressions she would make when the lady pulled her hair were priceless. I think I have a few pictures of that to post! ;)

Well for the first two weeks we just enjoyed a lot of normal things, milking goats, playing lots of volleyball, working on a song to record (singing) and also going to the Tea Room for Bethany’s late birthday gift. ☺ You probably all read her blog about that so I wont say too much. So anyway, it was getting very close to the time I was supposed to leave and SOMEBODY, no just kidding, I don’t know who’s idea it was but someone mentioned me staying longer. I had nothing pressing at home so it WAS possible for me to stay but I just kept telling them I couldn’t do that to them. When you take a family of 14 and then try to add someone else for that long, things DO happen and well I knew it would and so I felt really wrong to agreeing staying that long. But I gave in to my flesh I guess because I decided to stay. I called my Dad and asked his permission and he saw nothing wrong with it so I called the airlines and to my surprise it was VERY cheap to change my flight so I did! I was then scheduled to come home the 24th of July instead of the 8th. I’ll admit I was very excited that I was going to be there that much longer, and we had lots of fun things planned in those two weeks. TWO rodeos to go to and the Peach Festival in Strattford (sp?). Also Mr. Morris’ parents were coming up for a visit so I was going to get to meet them.

Well that first night after changing my tickets something came up and I immediately told them I made the wrong decision. Oh, don’t think THEY did anything wrong, it was me! Bethany and I had this little joke….a mean joke I guess and well Bethany did this little thing :-{} and I just laughed SOO hard but then someone else was in the studio and wanted to know why I was laughing so that’s what caused the problem. I couldn’t exactly explain to him what Bethany did and he really wanted to know so it was my fault and I felt awful but I made the comment that I shouldn’t have changed my flight. Well that kind of started an uproar! LOL Then I was told that I needed to “switch my gears” :D That became a key slogan around the Morris House with me there. I guess I have a tendency to come up with what everyone thinks about me then when they say that’s not true, I have a hard time believing them, SO after that night I tried hard to “switch gears” and BELIEVE! ;) It actually helped a lot, not to say I succeeded every time, not at ALL, but the times I was able to retrain my brain, it worked well. ☺

So that next day Nana and Pop (The Morris’ grandparents) arrived and it was really great to meet them. I had heard a lot about them but it was a blessing to meet in person. At first I was a LITTLE quiet around them (Just a little, right guys?) but soon I became my normal self. They put on a little concert for them and I played one song with Caleb and Dan on my guitar, As the Deer. That night was the beginning of our every night practice! The guys played Washed in the Blood and then realized I knew how to play it on guitar so practiced that and a few other songs most nights, it was a lot of fun! Just wish Bethany would have been in on it, she would just sit with us and look PRETTY bored! ;) She is very good at playing so we would have sounded even better if she would have helped us out!

A few days after their grandparents left we went to a rodeo in Shawnee. It was a HUGE rodeo and SO neat! I had never been to one before so it was quite exciting! Bethany says I screamed a few times, but I don’t remember doing that. Some of the events just looked so mean though, like where they had to rope the calf and then rope the back legs also and then stretch the thing….oooh so sad! ☹ I guess it is possible I screamed on that part, but only because I felt sorry for the calf. The bucking broncos were So neat and the bull riding…those were definitely my two favorite things to watch.

WOAH, sorry to interrupt with my story but I’m sitting on my Dad’s deck writing this and well I’ve had like 10 wasps fly by me and one big bumble bee, but just now I heard something loud and looked over and there was a HUMMINGBIRD not even a foot from me. It just stayed right by me. That was so neat and then it flew over to the hibiscus tree next to me, anyway sorry, maybe this is like an intermission to my story. ☺ It’s gone now though, so moving on…

While I was there we also got to do quite a bit of shopping. I had enough clothes for 2 weeks but not six and well I know I could just wash and reuse, but the same ol’ skirts for that long just don’t work for me. It was fun shopping though. I was able to get like 3 or 4 new skirts while I was there so that helped out a lot, OH and I got my hair cut! I wanted my hair to stay long but it was to the point it was too heavy to wear in a pony tail and it actually FELT like horse hair it was so bad, so while we were at the mall, I went in to one of those little places and they cut it for me. I was really nervous and after she was done it felt SOO short, but I’m glad I got it cut. It’s a lot healthier now and feels softer AND it’s cooler for these hot summer days! I think it’s about the shortest I’ve ever had it though. The Morris’ still think it’s long and well…my family could barely tell I cut it when I got home, but being my own hair I can DEFINITELY tell. ☺

Hmm..this is hard writing this many weeks later about everything that went on. We did SO much stuff but then I draw a blank when it comes to blogging about it all. It’d sure be a lot easier if when I’m on my trips I just blogged each night about the day, but of course that would take away from my time there and I wouldn’t want that. :D

Well last Saturday was the Peach Festival that we all went to. It was really fun going there and seeing the Burnett's. Hannah and Abbie were in the “Peach Idol” contest and were playing some song on the piano and violin. They did a really nice job and ended up getting to play before the rodeo that night also. Between the Peach Festival and the rodeo we went back to the Burnett’s home to have dinner and just spend time fellowshipping. It was nice to finally see their house and to see the girls again. I already talked a little bit about the rodeo that night. It was a lot of fun and I’m not sure if I mentioned but Elijah, Caleb and Daniel all did the wild cow ride thing too. I’m not exactly sure how it’s supposed to work, but I think you are supposed to like get ahold of the cow, saddle it and then one of the people is to get on and ride it to the other end, well, that only worked with one team. The halter came off almost immediately for the guys, so they weren’t able to do it. I felt sorry for them, but hey, at least they didn’t get hurt. One guy got like completely stepped on and left limping, so I’m glad it was no one I knew. ☹ Some of the younger kids did the calf scramble too. It was fun to watch tons of kids running around trying to grab the little ribbon off of them.

By this time my trip was nearing an end and I was getting pretty sad about that. I did miss my family, a lot actually but I knew I’d miss them all when I was gone too. The only reason it was easier for me to go was because I knew it would be good for their family to get back to normal life with Danielle being there! Even though they said it wasn’t like that, I know what it’s like to have company for 6 weeks..or longer and it’s nice to have your own family just back and not in the “play” mode anymore.

I found out SO many things right before leaving though, lots of things that I just laugh about. Some of those Morris boys are just TOO funny, they were having SS meetings without me knowing and well just loved to joke. :D “Y” I guess I had quite a few of my own jokes though for them! Anna- 5 C’s Bethany- ( ) and just some random ones throughout this post! :D

Leaving on Thursday was unbelievably tough. I just didn’t want to say goodbye and well I’m not sure how long it will be till I see them again, hopefully in January for sure at the Film Festival, but who knows…God knows! ☺ Very quickly after being there they all became like family to me. They all treated me as a sister and Mr. Morris would tell people I was his adopted daughter. It was very special to me. I realized on this trip that people don’t always have a motive for being nice. They chose to love me and to be kind to me because they were extending God’s love not for any other reason. That was very neat for me and I’ll always be appreciative for their kindness. I miss you all! ☺

Well, I guess that’s it. There you have it, that’s most of the highlights from my trip. I didn’t even mention 4th of July or flying kites or swimming in the pond and pool, there is just so much, hopefully you guys will feel like you know a little more though of what went on while I was there!

Now that I am back home I’m not sure what is in store for me. Right now I’m just enjoying the time I have at home with my family. Angie hasn’t been feeling good, she is SO ready for Luke to be here…we have been praying her water will break soon! We are thinking surely it will be in the next few days, but we hope each day it will happen that night! ;) My Dad is barbecuing today and Lane is filling up water balloons and well I’ve just been writing this. I AM working on my tan though, Bethany for sure beat me on our tanning contest, but getting home I found out I’m more tan than anyone here! ☺ Not that it matters, it’s just fun to compare. It’s taken me almost an hour to write this though, so that’s a whole hour I’ve been out here….uh oh Bethany watch out, I just might catch up to you! ;)

If you made it this far, Congratulations hope you weren’t all TOO bored with this post! ☺

SORRY I HAVE NO PICTURES RIGHT NOW....MY COMPUTER ISN"T HERE WITH ME SO IT'S HARD TO POST PHOTOS, PLEASE CHECK BACK SOON THOUGH TO SEE PICTURES!

Some extra time...

Well, most everyone is outside right now so I have a little bit of time to update my blog some. I seem to have a lot on my mind though, so I'm not sure I'll be able to get a lot of what we've been doing out in a blog now...we'll see though.

I've been thinking a lot about my trip coming to end lately and that gets me pretty sad. I've been here so long it seems like that they just feel like family and well, being home is going to be pretty weird I think. I was discussing with Bethany today that when I'm home it's almost like I live by myself, I mean...I sort of do when I'm at my nanny job, but I don't know, it's just not at all like it is here. I guess I should just stop thinking about it though and enjoy the last few days that I have here. Another scary thing for me is, I'm not even sure where I'll be going when I get home. I sort of lost my nanny job right after I came to Oklahoma, but then 2 weeks later she asked me to come back since she would be working part time from home, so now I have to decide what I'm going to do. Of course I'd love to just have NO job and stay home but that's not really an option for me. Then Angie, my stepmom, is due in the next two weeks, so with a new baby brother at home, I'll definitely want to spend my time there! :) We'll see though what the Lord has planned, I have had to just step back from things and realize that God is in control and HE has a plan for me and I'll just trust that He will show me what I'm to do.

Okay moving on to some of the fun things that have been going on! First of all, I have been getting PIANO LESSONS!!!! :) I am absolutely loving learning to play. I can't play much at all now, but hopefully with some practice I'll be better. I guess I've had maybe 2 or 3 lessons so far, but during the day when I have any extra time I'm usually sitting at the keyboard in the studio or their piano and playing. :D The studio is better though, that way everyone doesn't get so annoyed with the same song played over and over again with the same mess ups! Also, Caleb, Daniel and I have been playing our instruments each night trying to get some songs down. (Violin, Viola, and Guitar) my favorite to play has got to be "Washed in the Blood" It's got some fast strumming and a lot of fiddle playing. I'd love to just play all the time, but my little friend Bethany, kinda gets sick of us playing so much! :D She can take 30 min. of it, but that's it! ;) Right Besh? :P

Hmm..let's see what else have we been doing?? Oh, I've gone to TWO rodeos since I've been here. I had never been to a rodeo before, so they were both quite exciting! Since I'm allergic to horses and who knows what else, it's a little aggravating sneezing every 2 minutes, but it's worth it! :) The rodeo on Saturday was a lot of fun. We all went down to Stratford for a Peach Festival and we met up with the Burnett Family. We got to see Hannah and Abbie Burnett play piano and violin and then went back to their house for awhile and then on to the rodeo, it was really neat. Also, while at the Peach Festival, Bethany bought another dog. :D She already has 4, but she says this one will help with the goats. It's an Australian Shepherd and it's pretty cute, but....I'm sooooo allergic to it also! :D Too bad, because he does look kinda cute, I'd typically be wanting to hold him.

Today was a majorly hot day, at least 100 degrees, so Bethany and I went for a swim. I can't believe I did it, but I did...we got in their pond which has poisonous snakes and turtles and fish and gunk everywhere. lol It was so much fun though, and I only came close to one fish but other than that everything left me alone. I had to prove to everyone I COULD swim, I guess they were under the impression I couldn't swim, they believe me now though. :) After swimming in the pond though, we just sat in the baby pool which felt better because it was cold and we sun bathed! ;) I HAVE to work on my tan, I'm so white compared to everyone here.

Well, the guys are home now and Bethany needs to update her blog also so I guess I should be going. It's SO great here though, and I'll be majorly upset to leave. Sorry I don't have any pictures to post right now, I mean I've taken a lot and Anna has tons but it's hard to do on here so I'm just going to post pictures when I am home. Sorry if this post is kind of hard to understand my thoughts are kind of jumbled right now.....

Still Alive...

Alright, well I know I said I'd blog soon to let you all know what's going on with me, but due to several different reasons I just didn't. :) (Mainly, due to the fact that I was busy and just didn't want to sit down and write a blog post!) Anyway....just in case some of you don't know, on June 21st I flew from St. Louis to Oklahoma so I could be at the Morris' house on the 24th for Bethany's birthday!!!!! We had it planned for quite some time but I couldn't say anything on here because she reads the blog. :) Anyway, the surprise went great and it's been a wonderful two weeks. Two weeks was the longest I've ever stayed with them and I really felt like that was too long for me to stay anyway, you know putting out a family for that long, but for reasons I'm not sure of, they don't feel that way. They are just really nice and treat me like family...I love it! :) So for my next set of news.....
I was SUPPOSED to go home today, the 8th of July, but after lots of persuading, looks like I will be here until the 24th of July! :o That's a full MONTH I'll be here.....shocking, huh? Today has been pretty odd for me because I'm still in shock that I decided to change my flight. I mean I love it here and I love them, but it just seemed so wrong to stay with another family that long. They don't seem to understand why I say that though, I'm thankful though that they are willing to have me here. I'll definitely be making lots of posts when I get home talking about my trip, we've done so much stuff and have had some pretty deep, long discussions late at night that have left me thinking till 3:00 am sometimes, not able to fall asleep! :D It's all been great though. Everyone here is truly a blessing to me and when these next two weeks are up I'm sure it will be very tough for me to leave, but rest assured, I wont be changing it again for another 2 weeks. ;) (Mandy...I'm not staying forever!) :P


If I can figure out how to post pictures from their computer I'll be posting some of what we've done...hmm...maybe I'll tell you a little bit too. I've definitely been turning into more of a "country girl"...we've been doing farm chores (milking WITH bugs flying around everywhere) and getting dirty...REAL dirty, that qualifies for being a "country girl", right???? ;) Anyway...we've also been playing volleyball almost every night, which is So much fun, and we've been TRYING to work on a song that we'll be recording before I leave, I've been getting violin lessons and giving guitar lessons, went to a tea room for Besh's Birthday (SO FUN) and just lots of other fun things! :) Can't wait to post a lot of the pictures. :) Oh, also to read and see some pictures from what's going on, check out Bethany's blog
Well, I've been sitting at this computer long enough now, I really should be getting off, I just wanted to let you all know I AM still alive just having so much fun that I don't want to be on the computer! Hope you all had a great 4th of July!

Looks like the pictures are going to work, so I've got quite a few that I'm able to post from just various things, Bethany's photoshoot, the tea room, playing instruments, baking cookies with Micah, and the 4th! Hope you enjoy them....watch out though, when I get home, LOTS MORE TO COME!!!!








Blessings!

BETHANY'S 19th BIRTHDAY!

WELL...... Today is my dear friend BETHANY MORRIS'S birthday!!! I am just SO excited and have been waiting for this day to come for quite some time now, for reasons I can't explain until my next blog post, but anyway I am really thrilled! Over the last few months I have been compiling pictures and just different things about "Besh" that best describe her! (Hope she doesn't mind I'm posting all this) :PBethany is an absolutely wonderful friend. In the short time that I have even known her she has become one of my most closest friends. Seemed like when we met we were worlds apart, I still tease her that I'm her "weird" friend...which I am. :) It's been such a blessing though having her as my friend. She is SO nice, HILARIOUS, a tad crazier than most people, both of our elevators don't hit the top floor :P, BEAUTIFUL, wise, a godly example, and caring. I love her a LOT! :)

I'm not the only one who thinks these things about this wonderful girl though, read what this young lady wrote about her:

"Once upon a time there was an 18 year old girl who lived on a farm in Oklahoma with her 9 brothers, 3 sisters and Mom and Dad. She is a happy girl who loves goats and in fact has over 30 goats. Her favorites are Nubian's and she also raises Boer goats and shows them. Her goal in life is to be a wife and mother and have tons of kids. She is a very attractive young lady and anyone feels at home in her presence. She is very lovable and can easily talk to all types of people without being nervous or tentative. She is also an extremely hard worker and loves being out of doors. She loves anything along the lines of cleaning out goat stalls, snuggling a new baby goat kid or dreaming of her future. Now, I'm extremely pleased to announce who this lovely young gal from the south is. Her name would be Bethany Renee Morris and I am extremely humbled to say that she is, in fact, my sister!! "

That was written by Anna, not too long ago, and they sent it to me, so I SERIOUSLY hope they don't mind that I published it on here...but I just thought it was SO sweet and fit Bethany SO well! Who other than Anna could write a more accurate description of Bethany. :)

Now for some random pictures....

On The Farm...

Well instead of writing all about our wonderful day yesterday I'm just going to post pictures...they tell more anyway! :) For a little idea of what happened though, Hanah, Logan and I packed up yesterday afternoon to spend it at the Osborne Family Farm! I am very good friends with the Osborne Family so I thought, it'd be so neat for the kids to see the animals and I could see Mrs. Osborne and the kids! ;) Hanah and Logan ABSOLUTELY loved it!!! Hope you enjoy the pictures!

(Okay, there are so many pictures so it'd take me forever to put them in order...I'll do captions though)

(cherries that we were picking and eating right off the tree!)

(Their first look at the goats)

(An old piano in the church we walked up to)

(Logan helping Nick collect the eggs)

(Hanah helping Mrs. Osborne by carrying the soapy water to wash off the goats)

(brushing the goats)

(Holly's Day Lily...pretty huh?)

(Miss Holly)

(The kids LOVED this part....Mrs. O took them on a lawn mower ride)

(This church is kinda abandoned, but we walk up to it most times we are there, so we decided to take this kids this time, we enjoyed singing some songs, talking about Jesus being in our hearts and praying while up there)

(These chicks, Nick hatched from an incubator thing)

(bottling the lambs)

(Okay, I think this one is like the cutest little lamb, but it got hurt and is now paralyzed. I still think it's the greatest though!)

(Hanah's turn)

(ADORABLE)

IT'S UP!

Due to not having ANY good titles to choose from, we had to pick one of our own! :) So I hope you enjoy "Dear Lord"



PLEASE if you watch it, leave me a comment!

CERTAIN CHEATERS.... :P

Okay, well....obviously, as you can ALL TELL there were some CERTAIN "cheaters" (Bruce kids...) ;) and so they racked up the comments so I'd have to post my pictures....WELL..... in order not to spoil the surprise of the movie, I will be only posting ONE picture. That way I don't go back on my word here, and also keep the surprise! ;) Now beware cause this picture is quite wild and well crazy. Don't laugh TOO hard!

Okay, and well actually I just tried to get ONE more picture, but due to rendering the video, I'm only able to get this shot, so it still wont tell much, except I look insane! :D

The movie will be up TOMORROW though! And I can post it on my blog if you'd like! :)



Enjoy!

Father's Day Weekend

Seems like this blog is getting less and less attention from me. The times I really NEED to write I'm in the car driving and can't write and when I DO have the time I sit here staring off thinking of millions of things to say but not being able to come up with words to say it. What's happening to me? lol My Mom has been on my mind a LOT! A small incident happened last week that has left me thinking about her constantly and then Saturday night I had one of the strangest, most horrible dreams I've ever had. (I'm not someone who is big on dreams or anything) This dream though seemed ever so real. My Mom was there, but not really. Mandy was with me and David, my stepdad, but my Mom had already passed away. During the conversation Mandy and David were having I saw my Mom laying there, so I ran over to her and just held her begging her not to leave me again. I just kept saying, "Don't go this time, stay with me, stay here" and then she would disappear. Mandy and David of course thought I was crazy, but then she would come back and I'd start pleading with her again and told her to not let go of me. As you can see this dream was quite disturbing for me. Whenever I dream about my Mom I forget that she has died, so I'm never sad in them, this was the first where I knew she had died. I ended up just getting out of bed so I could stop the dream and when I woke up I had and email and of course, it talked about my Mom. I should have expected it....but the exciting part was....the movie that was being made about my Mom and her choice to go to Mexico is ALMOST done. The man making it emailed me to let me know that the website was up and the trailer was on the site. I checked it out immediately and watched the trailer. I am so excited to have this movie done. My Mom would be so pleased that her journey with cancer will be able to be used to touch others lives and inform them of the hope they can have when given the fatal news they have cancer. Please check out the website and view the trailer. www.illegalhope.net
Part of me wants everyone to see this film, just because the information is so valuable and for some it can help them see what our family DID go through, but then for others, those friends of mine that are so close to me that DIDN'T know my Mom, it's hard for me, because by seeing this they will know my "sick" Mom, not the Mom I know. I'm not sure how I'll feel when the movie is out and done. Excited, that they can sort of "meet" my Mom, or Scared?

(Lane thought this car was like a race car since the speedometer said 180)

Anyway enough about that....besides my horrible dream my weekend was very nice! Friday night I took Lane shopping with me to Wal-Mart. He had such a great time sitting in the front seat with no booster seat thing and being able to lay the seats down ALL the way into a bed, he just loved that! ;) On Saturday we had my Grandparent's 50th Wedding Annviersary party, so that was VERY exciting!! There was such a great turnout there and everything just looked so elegant! I got a few pictures, but it was rather dark there and well, I still am not used to this camera. My grandparents enjoyed it so much though, and loved seeing old friends and all the family! After getting home Lane and I went shopping again, we planned on a list of things we would make for my Dad's breakfast on Father's Day. My Dad is really into gourmet foods and presentation...well, I am not! :D So...I ventured out and tried all new things, to my surprise they all turned out ookay...except for one little thing! :D (My Dad never knew about it though, I just threw it away and acted like it wasn't planned to have!)






We ended up making stuffed french toast with bananas and carmel sauce on top, bacon, potato cakes, sausage, and these little egg and ham cupcakes. Sounds weird, I know. I was just So happy that my Dad enjoyed it so much! We spent the rest of the day just hanging out and playing outside some (until I had a tick on me) and then we played rook in the afternoon! That was SO much fun! I was the only one who had ever played, so it took them all a little while to catch on, but it was funny to watch! :) We never do things like this as a family so I really enjoyed it!


Oh and lastly...this weekend I have been editing Living Hope Production's upcoming short! It's about done and should be on youtube soon, we are just trying to figure out a title for it. If any of you have suggestions, let me know! This should be funny....leave a comment with the title you think it should be, even though you have no clue what it's about!!! :D C'mon..IF your reading this, you MUST leave a comment, deal? ;)

Oh, and IF I get at least 15 comments I'll post a few stills from the movie to get you guys excited about it!!!!!

Hope you all had wonderful Father's Days! And Happy Father's Day to the two guys in my life..... Daddy (Steve, my Dad) and David (my stepdad)!!!!!! Love you guys!

A lot on my mind...

Well right now I should be working on my grandparent's anniversary DVD. The party is this weekend and well, I'm about done, but still have about an hour of work on it, maybe more...it'll get done in time though, I just can't seem to stay focused tonight. I have SO much on my mind, but nothing "concrete" really...just thoughts. I know, sounds weird, I haven't quite felt like this for awhile. Mostly, I am thinking about love. I have no idea why it all keeps coming into my head. Not like mushy gushy love, just relationships I have here right now. Here are a few examples to try to help explain what's going on.

First of all, earlier today I was working on this DVD and going through all the pictures and constantly seeing pictures of my Uncle Joe. I have never met this man in my entire life. He moved to Arizona right before I was born and hasn't been back EVER to visit. He is my Dad's brother and even my Dad hasn't seen him in 20 years. When I was younger I used to write him letters, he never once wrote back, but I'd just keep writing. I told him one day I'd come and meet him. Well then my letters just stopped, he didn't seem to care about getting them anyway. Well today something snapped in me. I couldn't take it anymore. (Joe decided to NOT come to this anniversary party on Saturday) so I got this really sick stomach ache, not sure why, but I just couldn't work on the DVD anymore. I laid on my bed and wrote Joe a letter. I told him how badly I want him to be here this weekend, not even for all of us kids to meet him, but for his parents. I then told him to value the time he has with his parents, because I know more than some, that life is short and So precious, and he will wish later he would have spent more time....but then, I let him know that I hoped this whole time that he could possibly love us, like my other uncle did, but I realize now, he can't...he doesn't even know us. Can we love someone we don't know anything about?

God made us, formed us, breathed life into us, HE knows us! And He loves us, but can a person who really doesn't even know Him, love God?

Then tonight as I was working more on the DVD, Hanah came in my room and just comes right up to me and says, "Danielle, guess what! I love my Mommy, I love my Daddy, and........I LOVE YOU!" It was So sweet. Hanah does NOT usually say this. I'll tell her I love her and she just says, "No, I love my Mommy!" This kind of shocked me tonight, but also touched my heart! :) Once again, Hanah knows me now and sees the love I have for her. When I first came she wouldn't once say she loved me.

Now for the clincher.... a little bit different kind of love. I don't usually think about marriage, like at all. Well I mean, I think about it, but not like WHO I'll marry, or when, or what colors for bridesmaid's dresses! :D lol....but lately, I've been wondering how will I know? Nothing so far has just seemed right but it's like I'm judging everything off a feeling, and I'm wondering how wrong I am for that. Those of you who are married, if any that read this, will I just know? I'm so scared that I will never "just know" Also...when your taught to guard your heart, and then a guy comes and wants to court or something, how would you have any feelings for them, when your not supposed to in the first place....sorry, I know this probably doesn't make sense, but I'm just SO lost I feel like. Any advice from anyone is greatly appreciated!

Maybe I should get back to my DVD now... ;) Gotta get it done! :)

Nothing Much...

Not sure why, but I just have to write. Not really anything is going on, I'm sitting here in a quiet house with probably a 100 things to do, but not wanting to do any of them. I know...bad of me! Today was an unbelievably good day. Logan's first day of summer break was today and so I had a full day planned, full week actually. So after waking up to finding that they had CHOCOLATE energy bars for breakfast we had a short talk about that then had a nutritional breakfast. I'm going to try this week to have Logan liking onions and bell peppers by the time the week is over. He instantly turns up his nose to something if he sees anything "unusal" in it, although it tastes good or he can't EVEN taste it. That was proved this morning. So....I'm going to experiement. Tomorrow he is going to eat breakfast blindfolded, not as a punishment, just as a game more, and I'm going to show him that he really DOES like onions, and they aren't bad. Of course, if he proves me wrong, then I wont make him eat them, I understand people don't like everything. :) I'd hate it if someone blind folded me and made me eat mushrooms and black olives! ;)

After breakfast I read them each a rather long story and then we read from Galatians about the Fruit of the Spirit. We talked about first the qualities that people have that will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven and then read on about if we live by the Spirit we will bear "fruit" They listened very well and Logan was especially attentive. Then we made our Fruit of the Spirit wreath! :) We thought of 9 different fruits and cut out the shapes of them, (apple, banana, grapes, blueberries, orange, etc.) and then we wrote one thing on each, like our cherries say "Love". Then we glued them on to a wreath made out of a paper plate and attached a ribbon so it can hang. It was a simple craft but they enjoyed making it and hopefully we can hang it up to be a constant reminder. For the next two weeks though we are going to look more into each "fruit" Hopefully they will learn a lot and have fun at the same time. I have some different crafts and games planned. After our craft though we did some flash cards and then went shopping. I love to go grocery shopping and the kids were great so we got LOTS of groceries and even made it to Micahels to get a lot of craft things. We bought plain t-shirts to tye-dye on Friday and then paint pens to write on the shirts. :) Also, I'm trying to start a new system this summer with both kids home. I started this morning teaching Logan how to rinse his plate off and load and unload the dishwasher. So....I decided to make a star chart for both Logan and Hanah, but it's not exactly for doing what is expected it's for doing the right thing without being told. So, if Hanah picks up the living room without me telling her and if Logan clears the table and helps with dishes without being asked then they would each earn their star for the "Doing Chores" category. :) Some other things they get stars for are Using Manners, Not arguing, Being a good listener. Now I have to say again, no matter what I expect they would do this when I ask them to, but typically I'll have to remind Hanah to maybe listen better or to not have an attitude, so we'll see how this works. But each day I'll keep track of how many stars they got and then at the end of the week whoever has the most stars that week gets to pick out of the prize bag. :) We picked out LOTS of prizes today. I let them pick their own, but they wont get it until they get their stars. I just started this so I'm not sure it will work, I'll let you know though! :)

You know, I am really thankful for the job that the Lord has given me but often I am left wondering why He would even have this for me. I mean, why couldn't my life have ended up like my friends? Why was it MY Mom who died, and why is it MY Dad who doesn't hold to the same standards as me, and why did I have to move out and get a job? I desire to do the right thing SO much but then others would look at my life and see the situation I'm in and wonder I'm sure. I'm always left with the same conclusion though, I don't know why this happened to me. I don't know why this is God's will for my life, but I just pray daily that He will use me for HIS glory and that whatever He has for me I'll bring glory to him. If that means I'm a nanny for the rest of my life, or work at McDonalds, okay, well hopefully not THERE, but wherever he places me I'll be content and have joy. I can say now though that I feel very blessed with the job He has given me. I love this family a lot and can't imagine how it will be once my time is up here, I'll feel lost for sure.

I talked to my Grandma today and she just cried, a lot on the phone and she said she isn't even sure why she is crying. My Grandpa doesn't understand either so he just wants to go back to Florida and leave everything here. They just got here it seems like so it's sad to see them go so quick. I think my Grandma misses my Mom a lot. I sometimes, well often, just think of myself grieving and think no one could possibly miss her as much as I do, but my Grandma loss her only daughter, and she already loss one son so I'm sure she is hurting very much. It's hard though because my Grandma isn't usually one to even cry, I mean, I don't think she cried at my Mom's funeral